October 20-21, 2009- Death days. Life ruined with a single TELEPHONE CALL. :(

It's just so sad, and I wouldn't want to imagine my life without this sport. :(
OH NO! :(
I guess this is it. My mother finally told me, "WAG KA NA MAGTRAINING HA."
It crushed my heart like hell.
I wanted to scream, and cry my eyes out.
But even though a more dominating part of me wanted to do this, I couldn't. I CAN'T. :(
I was in front of my mother and it was early in the morning of Oct. 21, 2009.
It all happened yesterday.
FLASHBACK.<----
October 20, 2009.
WOOOH! It was raining real hard, and I was already thinking twice whether I was going to train or not.
Then our coach texted me, "Bihis na kayo, pababa na `ko.."
So I told my other team mates, to change their clothes for training.
It was FUN! xD
Even though we were not complete, it was still a fun day to train.
We had no court so we were forced to have our loading, conditioning and court exercises in the lobby.
We did a lot of running and stuff,so I was quite tired.
Then it hit me like a bullet.
It hit me the first time that day. ASTHMA SHIZZ. :| :|
It was light attack, so yeah. I just took deep breaths, and I was fine, ready to train again. :]
I had more fun with my partner when we were doing the sit-ups and push-ups thingy. :))
Then, when it was already time to pray. There it was again. 2nd time around!
I went to one corner while gasping for air, I was seeing all black.
So I fell. Zarah, [friend], went to me to catch me. So I fell unto her arms.
Then they all came rushing to me, asking, "WHAT HAPPENED!?" or, "ANNE! ARE YOU OKAY!?"
I was sitting down, trying to catch my breath.
They got one of those giant Goldilocks box that was left over from the cheerleader's party before our training. They used it as giant fans to give me air.
[ BTW, I am thanking those who fanned for me! ILY guys. ]
I couldn't feel my fingers, it was like they were ice frozen. I couldn't even bend them! :(
So they were massaging it, and I was still panting. I calmed down, for easy breathing.
My coach tried to talk to me, he told me a lot of things. He even told the team to pray for me right there, on their places, and immediately.
He also told me things like,
"Just pray inside."
"Think about God."
"Just relax, inhale and exhale."

He's a good coach, the best I ever had, so far.
He was worried sick.
And to the point that he was telling me something like, "Don't train anymore."
He didn't say those words, but I felt it. He wanted me to stop.
And that's when I started to cry.
You may think it's awkward or silly, BUT I'M SORRY. I LOVE VOLLEYBALL AND THE PEOPLE WHO SHARES THE SAME INTEREST WITH ME [TEAM MATES] TOO MUCH TO GIVE IT ALL UP NOW. I won't just quit that easily.
They WILL NEVER be able to convince me to stop playing the SPORT i love so much. It's no longer a past-time for me. It's already a PASSION.
I may be not that darn good, but I can try.
That's why quitting like that, isn't going to be the reason for me quitting the sport i love. it will never be easy.
I wanted to BEG my coach to PLEASE not to tell a soul, especially my parents.
but NO.

About 8:30 PM, the phone rang.
I was hoping it's Patricia, my bestfriend.
But NO. It was my COACH. Right then and there, I texted him and BEGGED him literally to PLEASE DON'T TELL.
I was too late. The phone was already given to my mom, and they talked. OH NO. :| :|
Their phone conversation lated for about 30 minutes.
As soon as the phone was down, my mom called my name. I went to the living room, and I knew we were to have a discussion.
I told them everything, ASSURING them that I don't need no EFFING check-up, and I was totally okay. I don't know if I had convinced them or not, I don't know!
I walked out and entered our room.
As soon as I lie down on the bed, tears just started to fall. :(
I don't ever want to give up playing anymore. it was too painful and hard for me to let go the only sport i love, despite not having that MUCH skills on it. :(
I cried and cried, `CAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO STOP PLAYING ANYMORE! :(
I was afraid that my mom would tell me, "ANAK TAMA NA.."
I cried myself to sleep.
And that's when IT happened.
When I woke up, first thing in the morning, my mom told me, "WAG KA NA MAGTRAINING HA.."
It crushed my heart LIKE HELL. I was afraid she'd say that, and now it felt like the end of the world for me.
I wanted to cry, but decided to reserve it for my bestfriend when I got to school.
That's why, first thing i did when i stepped on our school grounds, was to find my shoulder to cry on, my bestfriend. :(
As soon as I saw her, I just threw my bags on the floor, ran to her, hugged her, and let it all out. I cried on her shoulder, I can feel the tears on her polo. It was wet, like she had been wet by water.
She was trying to calm me down, but I couldn't at that time. I was asking questions like, "Pat bakit ganun? Kung gusto naman sakin' ni coach, hindi niya sasabihin right? Ayaw na ba ni coach na magtraining ako? Bakit ganun, Pat? I don't understand. :(("
She tried to explain, and I still couldn't understand why.
Then, my coach passed by, and asked me, "Now do you understand, Anne, why i needed to tell you parents?"
I just shook my head, and started to cry al over again.
Thanks to my first subject teacher, too. She comforted me before she started class. She asked me to stay outside, and just come in when I was ready. So THANK YOU!

So, I want to thank my TEAM MATES, who helped me;
Patricia [ILY!], Zarah, Ate Jamee, Kuya Kevin, Kuya Ian, Ate Kayla, Ate Claren, AND COACH.
Even though up to now, I still don't understand why. :(

I AM PLAYING VOLLEYBALL FOR TOO LONG AND LOVE IT TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP NOW. I CAN'T JUST QUIT.